Santa's a Wreck

I hope that you and your family had a MERRY CHRISTMAS; there, I said Christmas and you can’t stop me from using or referring to December 25th as Christmas.

Reading the local paper this morning I see that some people in Medway were upset with the school system for succumbing to the PC, politically correctedness, that seems to have warped the minds of the younger than me generation. When did Christmas become a four-letter word? You say that it’s a nine letter word and not four; look again, and you’ll see that it’s being treated as a four-letter word. If the ACLU had its way, they would add the word Christmas to the list of seven that can’t be uttered over the airwaves.

I don’t know what’s going on. It seems that many of my core values, beliefs and traditions are constantly under attack from people or groups of people that are supposedly trying to make the world a better place to live in. Now I know why Mayor Menino talks the way he does. I just realized that he doesn’t have a speech impediment after all, but it’s the result of trying to strain his thoughts through the politically correct filter before he utters them. So the end result is, his mouth is ready to speak but the words are stuck in the filtering system, therefore he ends up mumbling. Look for this trend to catch on. No one can get upset at you because they don’t understand what you’re saying; the worst that could happen is that they’ll think you’re a dope. It’s OK, just open your mouth and smile and you might be elected mayor of your town.

As a kid, I was taught to pray to St. Christopher and then years later the Pope decided to eliminate him. Here was a saint that was my equivalent of a starting third baseman on my all-saints team and all of a sudden he was sent to the minors to make way for a rookie named St. Sharbel Makhluf (yes this is an actual saint- check July 24 on your religious calendar if you don't believe me). I still kept my medal of him in the hopes that one day he would make it back to the majors.

My history books also taught me that it was Christopher Columbus who discovered America (albeit by accident, but he still discovered it). Now I’m told that he wasn’t the first one to come here, he just had a better PR (public relations) firm working for him, and a man by the name of Leif Erikson arrived here first. So now to discredit good old Christopher’s name they have invited a group of gays to march in the annual Columbus Day parade. And now instead of “Viva Colombo” signs, you see “Viva Elton John.” I truly think that these men have lost their way and that they were actually looking to march with Robin Hood and his “merry men.” Where’s Friar Tuck when you need him?

In between all of this, Gloria Steinem decides that men have to go; they’re not needed anymore. No more bras, no more Mrs. or Miss, they want to be addressed as MS. All the things your mother taught you as a kid about being a gentleman can be thrown out the window when you encounter a MS. No wonder there are so many people being treated for a mental disorder nowadays. Again my theory on mumbles Menino is now solidified. He’s in my age bracket and I can see the poor bum trying to address a woman; his mouth wants to say Mrs. or Miss but his thought filter is telling him to say MS. His mouth becomes enganged but his thought process is lagging behind therefore making the end product a mumbled bunch of crap.

Ms. Steinem starts altering many things. Thanks to her and the ACLU we now have a new Christmas carol titled, “God rest ye merry gentlepersons.”

First it was St. Christopher, then Columbus, and now they’re doing their best to tell me that there’s no Christmas. The word Christmas has become graffiti. Wherever it appears there always seems to be someone standing by with their brush and paint ready to obliterate it and substitute a word such as holiday in its place. The people that are offended by the word Christmas are the same ones that tell me that I’m too sensitive when and if I get mad at someone making a derogatory statement about Italians.

I’m doing my best to survive the continuous onslaught of these small groups as they try to chip away at my core beliefs, but one just has to get a chuckle from their latest caper. There’s a lot of concern over President Bush’s Patriot Act. These people say that the government is constantly prying into their lives and knows too much about them. So they are going to court and will present the following as evidence:

You better watch out.
You better not cry.
You better not pout.
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is coming to town.

He sees you when you are sleeping
He knows when you're awake,
He knows when you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness' sake.

Even gold old Santa has come under attack and it’s no wonder that we now have a politically correct Christmas poem that starts like this:

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck
How to live in a world that’s politically correct…’


When I read about this, I commented to someone that the world was coming to and end. They reassured me that it’s not, offering me proof that it’s already tomorrow in Australia.

Buon Natale