Red Sox Attendance Record a Joke

I was under the impression that ‘Baghdad Bob’ was dead, but I could swear I heard him today as I mistakenly tuned my radio to the channel that was broadcasting the Red $ox game. I almost chocked on my watermelon as I heard him say that two more outs and this will become an official game. I stopped and looked outside to see if there were some ominous clouds or maybe I had missed out on some weather warning of some major storm that was about to hit the area.  Any of this was possible to me since I had just awoken from a short nap. The sun was shining brightly with no hint of impending doom so what the heck was this guy talking about or worrying about it being an official game?

Thankfully I was relieved of my concern as he said that the Red Sox are going to break the attendance record for consecutive sellouts – I don’t quite remember the number because it means absolutely nothing to me but it was somewhere in the 740’s and something about the Portland Trailblazers.

Then it happened – inning ended and it became an official game. I never heard an announcer so relieved or excited about such a meaningless event other that maybe having to endure one of those merciless slaughters when a team scores 15 runs or more in an inning. This was followed by the reading of a prepared speech – something that had the Steinberg/Zucchini signature all over it. It was utterly embarrassing and almost as phony as the record itself and some of the Oscar acceptance speeches; I want to thank my mother, those overweight fans that have hurt themselves trying to get out of our outdated seats. We want to thank the people of Maine and N.H. all those faithful pink hats, etc... On an on it went ad nausea.

This record will go in the same record book that’s reserved for Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds and all the rest of the steroid users who achievements are tarnished by the usage of performing enhancement drugs. This record is as valid as many of the airline on time statistics. An airline can claim it left on time as long as it pulls out of the gate at the schedule flight time – it could sit on the tarmac or just a few feet away from the gate and stay there for thirty minutes but it ‘legally’ claims to have left on time.

Not only is this record a joke but the Red $ox management are an even bigger joke for making such a big to do about something that never happened.

I could care less – it’s just another meaningless point of reference and comparison that is tainted with a big asterisk *

Congratulations Red $ox for the resurgence of Baghdad Bob (I’m sure that I will see him soon teaming up with Wally the Green Monster as they will be available for a price to make appearances at birthday parties, bar mitzvahs, and many of the Jordan furniture stores).