It Takes Balls

A few years ago a book came out addressing today’s societal problems in raising children titled “It Takes a Village.” I thought that the title was very apropos especially from my upbringing. You see I came from a one parent home who grew up in one of what was then a historic ghetto; the North End. My mom was not on welfare and went out to work each day to support us. She worked on Station St. in the Mission Hill area of the city and would leave the house at 6:15 am and return around 5:45 pm. So for five days a week, barring holidays, I would be left alone for a good part of the day. There were no other relatives nor siblings to watch out for me. I was on my own. The only thing that I had to shelter me and watch out over me was the proverbial “village.”

People from the neighborhood indirectly acted as an extension of my very small family. You respected people and would listen to them, if not you knew that if you didn’t your parent(s) would know about it and you would be in even bigger trouble. People respected each other and would never excuse their child’s behavior when told that they had done something wrong. Boy have things changed. Try doing that today and you might be hauled into court for harassment or child abuse.

I was sheltered and protected by my neighborhood because I never left it’s surroundings. I NEVER had to get on a school bus to be whisked off to some far off school in a strange neighborhood. My school was a five minute walk from my house. I had the luxury of coming home for lunch at 11:30 each day. All the kids in school were from your neighborhood. We had our problem children in those days and you knew who to avoid.

Other than the occasional fist fight that boys got into, I never witnessed the violence that occurs in the city today, even coming from an area that was reputed to be the center of the Mafia. Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t squeaky clean. We did have some people fall into the trap of working for the underworld, but the majority were typical kids growing up in the fifties and sixties.

The ’village’ back then was populated in the daytime by stay at home moms; my house was the exception. Everyone knew you and that in itself prevented you from getting into mischief. Each section consisting of maybe 5 groups of blocks had their own hangout; generally a playground or schoolyard where we spent a good portion of our day playing. Mid to late afternoon would see an influx of men (fathers) returning home from work. Unlike today a high percentage of kids came from a two parent household.

What happened?

It appears that over time these villages came under attack from many fronts. People started to make more money and left for greener pastures, the suburbs. Society on whole let its guard down and accepted a more liberal lifestyle. Divorce became the choice over sticking it out in a marriage. More women went to work, some by choice others by necessity. More kids were left alone to fend for themselves while mom worked so that they could afford to go to the Cape in the summer. More grandparents were shuffled off to nursing homes leaving very few grownups in the village during the day. Little by little the village was disintegrating under our very own eyes and children were paying the price.

What happens when you don’t have a “village” to support the family structure? Chaos.
Today it takes more than a village, it takes BALLS! What I see in many cases is that the single parent left to take care of their child feels guilty and lets the child get away with many things. There’s very little discipline.

Children are killing themselves in the city. In reading about a 13 year old boy who was recently killed I discover that he was returning home after visiting his girl friend in Charlestown.

I remember that at thirteen, I had yet to venture unsupervised outside of my neighborhood. It wasn’t until I started high school that I hopped on the trolley at Haymarket to make my way to Huntington Ave. and that was with a group of at least a dozen others from my neighborhood.

Late last year one of the kids murdered was out at a party at 5:30 am. We had a curfew. We had to be home by no later than 9:30 pm.

There's some speculation or conjecture that the latest 13 year old victim might have been the target of a robbery. The story relates how his father had recently bought him a $300 cell phone. Something is wrong with this picture. I never spent more that $300 dollars for my three boys at Christmas- never mind on a cell phone.

As I read each story, I will always find a quote whether it be by a relative, teacher or neighbor that says something to the fact that, “he was a good kid.” I feel that the author is obligated to write something positive. If we are losing all these “good” kids, what’s going wrong?

Here’s one man’s frustration and solution; "After living here and being involved in this issue for 20 years, it continues to be very hard to take," he said. "I've lost plenty of friends to senseless violence, and the rhetoric about stopping teen violence needs to be matched with resources."

I don’t know what resources this man is talking about, but I think that the first resource that should be tapped is the parent(s). They should and must have the ability to say NO. They need to have BALLS. They need to start to discipline. Children need discipline and direction. Most of all they need their parents to be parents. Grandparents cannot be constantly given the job to parent. They had their turn.

When the village is gone - IT TAKES BALLS!