Dice-K, Who cares?

The man has yet to throw one pitch in a regular season baseball game for the Red Sox (the wannabe Yankees of baseball) and already I’ve grown tired of hearing his name every day. It’s Dice-K puts on a Sox uniform, Dice-K meets the media, Dice-K carries Veritek’s bag, Dice-K goes to the bathroom… On and on it goes ad nausea and I say WHO CARES? WHO CARES? WHO CARES? WHO CARES?

What has this guy done to warrant so much attention? NOTHING!!!

Sorry, I shouldn’t have jumped to such a hasty conclusion. He has done something. He has signed a very lucrative contract for our overpriced Bo$ox. He has probably caused a further increase to the cost of parking, admission and the Fenway frank not to be confused with our other loveable Frank, Barney from Newton. He has created competition for the Yawkey Way vendors such as the Sausage Guy and Rem Dog. The mayor thinking that the Sox’ new addition was a paisan since his name ended in a vowel, has allowed the closing of Boylston Street during Red Sox games so vendors such as The Sushi Guy, Dice-K protein bars and Sam Kamikaze Ale can be accommodated. Fuji will take up a third of Boylston Street on days that Dice-K is slated to pitch. Each fan entering the park will be given a disposable Fuji camera to make the Dice man feel at home. The wave will be replaced by the Flash. Stretching during the seventh inning will be replaced by Gerry Remy showing the crowd how to do Tai Chi.

There are many other things in the works this summer to entertain the fans. Dr. Charles has decided to add a Malden and a Quincy Day (cities with a high number of Asian American residents) to the list of State of Maine and other NE states’ days. A Yoyo day is planned when Yo Yo Ma is invited to perform the National Anthem.

Let me warn you now, before you all start to call the Big Show complaining about Larry Lucchino’s name being changed to Rarry Rucchino. He’s just trying to capitalize from their expensive investment. The broadcast booth will be getting a little tighter with the addition of the famous Japanese broadcasters, Oh Sei and Can Yusee. They are already getting acquainted with the Red Sox staff and a recent interview found them calling the Manager, Terryaka Francona.

The Red Sox brass have probably made the right move in investing all the money they did in Dice-K. If the team doesn’t fare well they’ll still be a very entertaining group. It will be interesting to see how Manny will outdo Manny this year for media coverage. Those cameras are bound to come in handy. Just don’t use up your shots too soon. You might be able to capture another Manny in the scoreboard moment.

楽しい時を過しなさい